The Greatest Loss...

With my third deployment looming just a few days away, it's only natural that all these random thoughts referencing life start to surface. I'm definitely mentally and emotionally prepared for this deployment, as that is what multiple deployments help with. I'm sure it's different with Soldiers who are married and/or have children, but I am single and so it is a bit easier for me to cope with some things.

I'm not sitting here going through the 'What ifs' in my head -- I know much better than to do that. You don't have to endure a deployment for those types of thoughts to flood your head. What's going through my head is the fact that there are everyday life events that will be going on while I am gone; not that I will miss experiencing them -- which, I will -- but I'm referring to the not so enjoyable moments in which I can't be the friend that was there. Don't get me wrong, I will do my very best to be there with my friends in essence, be it through the internet or the phone. But not being able to be the shoulder for my friends, not being able to be there for a friend -- especially my best friends -- is something that just eats away inside of me and drives me a tad bit crazy.

What I'm getting at here is that I am going to try to do my very best to keep in touch with all of you (Myspace, Facebook and Email friends) but I know that I won't be able to do as great a job out there. And yes, I KNOW people understand, so we won't go through that argument.

Ok, let's cut through the chase. One of my favorite quotes is, "The farthest distance between two friends is time." Unfortunately, I don't know who said it. However, the first time I ever heard this line it stuck with me. I quote it on a regular basis because it has a way to ring absolutely true no matter what angle you look at it. What I'm getting at is that to my friends -- especially the handful who I am fortunate enough to call best friends -- I hope we don't let time push us apart.

I've loss many things in my life that I held near and dear to my heart. But my greatest loss was always a friend.

I think this post was a bit all over the place, but it'll do fine ;)

Reflecting Reflections...

I'm stressing pretty hard right now so I've decided to blog a little bit. There have been a few blogs stirring in my head that I have yet to make time for. Better now, especially to keep distract my thoughts.

I refer to the 1998 Disney movie, Mulan and its hit song Reflections.

- Christina Aguilera Lyrics..

I remember when I first heard this song and how I related to it. I was 16 years old and at a point in my adolescense that I realized I was gay, but had yet to really accept and encompass what all of that entailed. If you really listen to the lyrics, I think most people can relate to it with whatever they are going through in life when they are trying to progress as a person.

At the time, I treated the songs lyrics and message almost literally. But that is no longer the issue. I guess in a way I have matured since then and it only occurred to me two days ago.

I happened to be doing something in front of my dresser mirror and took a look up at myself in mirror. I didn't like what I saw. From the weight, neglected eyebrows, needing a haircut, stress blemishes, etc, I didn't like what I saw -- in general. And for about 20 seconds I ALMOST started to see how people can spiral into a depressed state. For a moment I almost hated what I saw in the mirror. And then it passed.

I am a happy person. I have a great life. I (like to think) that I treat people the same way I would like to be treated. I think I am doing great things in life -- actually, I KNOW I am doing great things in life because when people see me in uniform or find out what I do for a living, there are still those out there who find it in their hearts to thank me. I am perfectly happy where I am in life. I, I, I, I. You see how all of those sentences started?

By all means, I could be in better shape, I could do my eyebrows (note to self, go get them waxed this weekend LOL) and a plethora of other things that I can do to better my physical aspect. I'm not here to make excuses about that right now.

What I'm saying is that all that mirror did was reflect a physical image back to me. The mirror could very well be another person and how my image reflects to them, but what it doesn't do is give insight as to the person I am. And with that realization, I smiled and continued on with my day a much happier person!

I think my epiphany was monumental and I wish I could get as many people to understand this as possible. But I will have to settle for this blog for now.

That is all for now. I'm much happier having posted this too