With my third deployment looming just a few days away, it's only natural that all these random thoughts referencing life start to surface. I'm definitely mentally and emotionally prepared for this deployment, as that is what multiple deployments help with. I'm sure it's different with Soldiers who are married and/or have children, but I am single and so it is a bit easier for me to cope with some things.
I'm not sitting here going through the 'What ifs' in my head -- I know much better than to do that. You don't have to endure a deployment for those types of thoughts to flood your head. What's going through my head is the fact that there are everyday life events that will be going on while I am gone; not that I will miss experiencing them -- which, I will -- but I'm referring to the not so enjoyable moments in which I can't be the friend that was there. Don't get me wrong, I will do my very best to be there with my friends in essence, be it through the internet or the phone. But not being able to be the shoulder for my friends, not being able to be there for a friend -- especially my best friends -- is something that just eats away inside of me and drives me a tad bit crazy.
What I'm getting at here is that I am going to try to do my very best to keep in touch with all of you (Myspace, Facebook and Email friends) but I know that I won't be able to do as great a job out there. And yes, I KNOW people understand, so we won't go through that argument.
Ok, let's cut through the chase. One of my favorite quotes is, "The farthest distance between two friends is time." Unfortunately, I don't know who said it. However, the first time I ever heard this line it stuck with me. I quote it on a regular basis because it has a way to ring absolutely true no matter what angle you look at it. What I'm getting at is that to my friends -- especially the handful who I am fortunate enough to call best friends -- I hope we don't let time push us apart.
I've loss many things in my life that I held near and dear to my heart. But my greatest loss was always a friend.
I think this post was a bit all over the place, but it'll do fine ;)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Reflecting Reflections...
I'm stressing pretty hard right now so I've decided to blog a little bit. There have been a few blogs stirring in my head that I have yet to make time for. Better now, especially to keep distract my thoughts.
I refer to the 1998 Disney movie, Mulan and its hit song Reflections.
- Christina Aguilera Lyrics..
I remember when I first heard this song and how I related to it. I was 16 years old and at a point in my adolescense that I realized I was gay, but had yet to really accept and encompass what all of that entailed. If you really listen to the lyrics, I think most people can relate to it with whatever they are going through in life when they are trying to progress as a person.
At the time, I treated the songs lyrics and message almost literally. But that is no longer the issue. I guess in a way I have matured since then and it only occurred to me two days ago.
I happened to be doing something in front of my dresser mirror and took a look up at myself in mirror. I didn't like what I saw. From the weight, neglected eyebrows, needing a haircut, stress blemishes, etc, I didn't like what I saw -- in general. And for about 20 seconds I ALMOST started to see how people can spiral into a depressed state. For a moment I almost hated what I saw in the mirror. And then it passed.
I am a happy person. I have a great life. I (like to think) that I treat people the same way I would like to be treated. I think I am doing great things in life -- actually, I KNOW I am doing great things in life because when people see me in uniform or find out what I do for a living, there are still those out there who find it in their hearts to thank me. I am perfectly happy where I am in life. I, I, I, I. You see how all of those sentences started?
By all means, I could be in better shape, I could do my eyebrows (note to self, go get them waxed this weekend LOL) and a plethora of other things that I can do to better my physical aspect. I'm not here to make excuses about that right now.
What I'm saying is that all that mirror did was reflect a physical image back to me. The mirror could very well be another person and how my image reflects to them, but what it doesn't do is give insight as to the person I am. And with that realization, I smiled and continued on with my day a much happier person!
I think my epiphany was monumental and I wish I could get as many people to understand this as possible. But I will have to settle for this blog for now.
That is all for now. I'm much happier having posted this too
Friday, October 17, 2008
Miserable Relationships
For about the past two weeks the subject of relationships was a constant conversation topic. After catching up on some RSS feeds that I am subscribed to, I came across a blog stating that love is not enough to save a relationship. Upon reading this I decided to conduct a small poll amongst my Myspace friends. It was a simple question.
Which is worse: being single and lonely? Or, in a relationship and miserable?
I have to admit, as I started this poll, I was probably a bit biased in my views. Realize, I have never been in a relationship -- ever. I'll allow you to guess what my personal view was at the time.
However, after conducting my mini-poll, it seems that my personal view might have been a bit skewed from what many others thought.
I've already stated that I have never been in a relationship before. Some may view this as the reason why I would vote towards 'Single and Lonely'. On the contrary. Well, not so much contrary, but let me explain myself. I've never been one who was on the hunt or prowl for a relationship. I always grew up waiting for my storybook (more specifically, my Disney story) relationship -- that's another blog in itself that will come soon. But I always wanted to be independent. I didn't want someone else to come along and be my 'other half' to make me whole. I want to be someone who is happy on my own before I start a relationship expecting them to make me happy. I personally believe that someone who is depressed, saddened, lonely, or has any of those other less-than-desirable feelings, is not one who will attract what they hope to find out there. I want to be stable in almost every aspect of my life before I try to commit to one person; be it financial, physical, emotional, or career related. So, I never felt lonely. At least not in the aspect I was referring to.
But still, why did I think that the loner boner was the worse of two evils? I guess I should have put a few caveats out there about the intentions of my study and what, specifically, I was looking for and how I intended each word to be interpreted.
When it comes to myself, I don't feel I am a lonely person. I think of the lonely person as one who WANTS to be in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I think to myself, 'Damn, this sucks.' But I'm usually referring to skin-to-skin contact. All I usually have to do is bag one for the night and I'm good for another few months or so. LOL (TMI maybe? Nah, never!) But I've never wanted so bad to be in a relationship that I signed up for websites like Match.com, eHarmony.com, or Chemistry.com to find someone to 'complete me'. So, when I used the term 'lonely', I meant someone who wants a relationship so bad, it makes them miserable.
On the other side of the coin, when I used the word 'relationship', I was leaning more towards relationships that were longer than six months and had quite a bit of time, emotions, feelings and even money invested. I will say that from the few comments left on the poll page, most people assumed the same.
Enough blabbering from me, I'll cut to the results.
A whopping 35 people voted on my poll. Thanks to those who did. Special shout outs to Ann, Julian, Mo, Nay and Luis. These were the five that left comments. Greatly appreciated!
Approximately 3:1 voted that being 'in a relationship and miserable' was worse than being 'single and lonely'.
Click here for poll results.
Now, after seeing the results, and especially the comments, I took a step back to try and encompass why most people would say that a miserable relationship was worse than being single and feeling lonely. I will admit that the comments left were definitely what turned me on the right path to enlightenment.
There are many things that can turn a relationship into one way lane to misery. After all, misery does love company; so why not a couple? For the sake of this blog, I will attempt to focus more on why people stay in a relationship as opposed to where misery begins.
My number one pick is comfort. Does it not make sense? When people are in relationships, they acquire a routine; they know the ins and outs of their partner. Familiarity even. Or, the fear of never being intimate with another is somewhat misted and blocked because, even in a bad relationship, that slight elbow nudge in bed, or the accidental spoon position in the middle of the night, might be just enough skin-to-skin contact that is necessary to ease the mind. I think that maybe I hit the right note when I used the word fear. Once someone has somebody, they fear they will never find another who will love them as much.
I think another major reason for sticking it out in a miserable relationship is financial stability. I mean, let's think about it. How many friends do you have in relationships in which one has more take home income than the other? I personally know quite a few. Now, how many people do you know in which one partner earns much more, and they live together? Finances play a major role in relationships, no matter how much love was, or even is still, there.
There are many other factors. Some people are blinded by lust, mistaking it for love. Hope. Some people hold on to hope with the expectation that things will turn around. The list goes on and on.
As to why I expected 'Single and Alone' would have dominated in this poll... well, quite honestly, it can be a big suck-fest if you let that loneliness eat you inside out. There are so many out there who LUST FOR LOVE. I repeat LUST FOR LOVE. Why? Why? WHY?
With this, I finally end my first blog. I hope that it was coherent enough. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear some feedback on this blog. Until next time, have a great day.
Which is worse: being single and lonely? Or, in a relationship and miserable?
I have to admit, as I started this poll, I was probably a bit biased in my views. Realize, I have never been in a relationship -- ever. I'll allow you to guess what my personal view was at the time.
However, after conducting my mini-poll, it seems that my personal view might have been a bit skewed from what many others thought.
I've already stated that I have never been in a relationship before. Some may view this as the reason why I would vote towards 'Single and Lonely'. On the contrary. Well, not so much contrary, but let me explain myself. I've never been one who was on the hunt or prowl for a relationship. I always grew up waiting for my storybook (more specifically, my Disney story) relationship -- that's another blog in itself that will come soon. But I always wanted to be independent. I didn't want someone else to come along and be my 'other half' to make me whole. I want to be someone who is happy on my own before I start a relationship expecting them to make me happy. I personally believe that someone who is depressed, saddened, lonely, or has any of those other less-than-desirable feelings, is not one who will attract what they hope to find out there. I want to be stable in almost every aspect of my life before I try to commit to one person; be it financial, physical, emotional, or career related. So, I never felt lonely. At least not in the aspect I was referring to.
But still, why did I think that the loner boner was the worse of two evils? I guess I should have put a few caveats out there about the intentions of my study and what, specifically, I was looking for and how I intended each word to be interpreted.
When it comes to myself, I don't feel I am a lonely person. I think of the lonely person as one who WANTS to be in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I think to myself, 'Damn, this sucks.' But I'm usually referring to skin-to-skin contact. All I usually have to do is bag one for the night and I'm good for another few months or so. LOL (TMI maybe? Nah, never!) But I've never wanted so bad to be in a relationship that I signed up for websites like Match.com, eHarmony.com, or Chemistry.com to find someone to 'complete me'. So, when I used the term 'lonely', I meant someone who wants a relationship so bad, it makes them miserable.
On the other side of the coin, when I used the word 'relationship', I was leaning more towards relationships that were longer than six months and had quite a bit of time, emotions, feelings and even money invested. I will say that from the few comments left on the poll page, most people assumed the same.
Enough blabbering from me, I'll cut to the results.
A whopping 35 people voted on my poll. Thanks to those who did. Special shout outs to Ann, Julian, Mo, Nay and Luis. These were the five that left comments. Greatly appreciated!
Approximately 3:1 voted that being 'in a relationship and miserable' was worse than being 'single and lonely'.
Click here for poll results.
Now, after seeing the results, and especially the comments, I took a step back to try and encompass why most people would say that a miserable relationship was worse than being single and feeling lonely. I will admit that the comments left were definitely what turned me on the right path to enlightenment.
There are many things that can turn a relationship into one way lane to misery. After all, misery does love company; so why not a couple? For the sake of this blog, I will attempt to focus more on why people stay in a relationship as opposed to where misery begins.
My number one pick is comfort. Does it not make sense? When people are in relationships, they acquire a routine; they know the ins and outs of their partner. Familiarity even. Or, the fear of never being intimate with another is somewhat misted and blocked because, even in a bad relationship, that slight elbow nudge in bed, or the accidental spoon position in the middle of the night, might be just enough skin-to-skin contact that is necessary to ease the mind. I think that maybe I hit the right note when I used the word fear. Once someone has somebody, they fear they will never find another who will love them as much.
I think another major reason for sticking it out in a miserable relationship is financial stability. I mean, let's think about it. How many friends do you have in relationships in which one has more take home income than the other? I personally know quite a few. Now, how many people do you know in which one partner earns much more, and they live together? Finances play a major role in relationships, no matter how much love was, or even is still, there.
There are many other factors. Some people are blinded by lust, mistaking it for love. Hope. Some people hold on to hope with the expectation that things will turn around. The list goes on and on.
As to why I expected 'Single and Alone' would have dominated in this poll... well, quite honestly, it can be a big suck-fest if you let that loneliness eat you inside out. There are so many out there who LUST FOR LOVE. I repeat LUST FOR LOVE. Why? Why? WHY?
With this, I finally end my first blog. I hope that it was coherent enough. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear some feedback on this blog. Until next time, have a great day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
